Monday, February 9, 2009

summing things up, and thank you for all of your support.

Photobucket ~My illnesess~ Degenerative spine, Colitis, Dysplasia, Stomach ulcers, a fatty liver, Palpating heart, 2 heart attacks- Angina Pectoris High cholesterol, Seizure disorder/ Myoclonic seizures, Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporisis, Bursitis in both hips, Spurs on my pine, Tumors on my spine, No reflexes on my limbs, IBS, CFS, RLS, Parasomnia, Hypersomnia, Face disfiguration because of a poorly made denture, Hyperglocemic, TMJ, My whole body is numb, Migraines, Facial pain, Scoleosis lumbar, Urinate and bowel problems and ware depends, and the use of my hands are going away Congestive Heart disease Multiple Sclerosis which is making me lose so many abilities fast. I'm not having a pity party or anything like that. I just want to log what I have and to let everyone know. I still feel that I forgot some of them. lol Oh well. :o) Yes, I am in pain everyday-and every second. There hasn't been any time for so many years that I haven't had any kind of pains. My goal/mission is to do my best to educate people. I hope I do. :o) Thank each and everyone of you for all of your support and such kind words! :o) All of you are helping me when you comment and it gives me a smile when I need one! :o) Lisa I need to add type 2 diabeties. And I guess anorexic and a cutter. I just wanted you to know what I deal with every day for the rest of my life. ggggrrrr! I've never asked God why. I feel there is a reason that He has given me these gifts to try and figure out to help someone in the future. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Now when you read this, I'm not at all passing it onto anyone else. I guess it turned out this way. Bummer. My son is living on his own and has been for way over a year now with his girldriend in the town north to us. He just comes in to do their laundry maybe twice a week. Other then that, I don't see him for anything else. His girlfriend has his balls in a mason jar in her purse! So, he does what she says. His "sperm donor" (father) was NOT a nice person. Very mean spirited. And was mean to me as well. I was just young and dumb and didn't notice it until I got older with some sense in my head. Well...the 3 of us had to go to court becuase he was denying that he was my sons father. It was proven 99.999 and I don't think it could have come out any more to prove that, yes, he was his father. Geesh! While there in court, he wanted Jason to have his last name. That was granted! gggrrr! Jason didn't take that well. Then he wanted it on paper for Jason to go to his house for visitation. That just made me sick to my stomach. That was awarded too. Jason didn't like that either. Jason had meant him a few times before, (Jason was at the time, in 3 grade) and formed his own opinion, he didn't like him. When I sat him down and explained everything to him, he cried. :o( Actually we cried together because all of the time before the court, I never asked for child support or anything from him because he is NOT a nice person and I didn't want Jason around him. He went over on the weekends for awhile and I would always ask him what he did and basically interigate him. Well one Friday when he was suppose to go for his visit, he did NOT want to. He was very adamit about it. To the point of him crying. God bless him. So I had to give his dd a call to let him know that he was not coming this week and maybe next week. When Jason heard me say that, he screamed at me that he didn't want to go back there, ever. I told him that I'd do what I had to so he didn't have to go anymore. This time I took him back to court, so Jason didn't have to go over there unless he wants to. The judge said well of course, because of his age. I think he was 12. The judge said that Jason probably wouldn't want to go to his house on the weekends because he has friends that he might want to go play ball or something...which that was true. He was reresenting his self and he actually said then he only will pay child support whenever he comes over, and started calculating it! The judge had this great belly laugh at him. He dissmissed everything he tried to get from me. Now.....I kept asking him what happened over there to make him want to stop visiting. He wouldn't tell me. I knew, deep down inside something happened to him. A few days go by, then it turned into weeks. He would go ride his bike with his friends or go fishing. Finally when I asked him again, he started talking. Over at his sperm donors house, there is a shed in their back yard. It's full of pot! I guess he tought him how to grow it and everything else that you do! I just wanted to go over there and beat him up, but I was trying to keep my cool so he would talk to me. Yes, he had Jason smoking it too! Then after they would smoke it, he had a load of porno tapes that he watces and since Jason slept on the couch, he made him watch them with him. One time, Jason told him no, that he didn't want to do that anymore and the donor punched him in his face with his fist, not an open hand, his fist! And if he cried, he got in trouble for that too. I wish I had known all of this! I just grabbed him and gave him a hug. I also told him that everything thing would be alright now that it's all out in the open, and telling me, his mom about it. Donor did a good job at corrupting him with the porn and (other things). This stuff was that hard core crap. I would go to the kids room to change their bedding and in Jason's I would find alot of VHS tapes in his room that belonged downstairs. I grabbed them and put them away. When I sat down for a few, I thought of something, I put one of those cassetes in to see what was really on it. My suspiscions were right! :o( And these were on tapes the Nena would watch as well! I had no idea as to how many did he do! Of course when he got home from school, I asked him about it. Didn't get a sreaight answer. At that moment, I seen my son drifting away from me. There is more things that was going on that he had done. Yes, I had a computer then too. I realize just because I don't like porn, that no one else can too. I've never seen this stuff. I've never heard about these magazines. To me, it was just plain sick and nasty. Like I said, there were a few other things as well that was going on too. :o( I went to parenting classes on my own, tough love classes and a program for kids to see what it would be like in a jouvinle jail. I did everything I could find to help him. And me too for that matter. Ok...what I found and the places I found these things brought back a full rush of the feelings and emotions I had years back. Dh went upstairs and found something which thoriughly pissed him off! And you know something, it's pretty embarressing when you're in a store or something and you see a cop and he asks me how Jason's doing. :o( They all know him because of one of the other things. Which that one is why I want a bolt lock! No trust! I think I've kept you up todate. I think. All I truly know for sure is he needs help still and I'm hoping he didn't do what was on the computer. He's 26. And if the cops have to take this computer....all of that nasty and bad stuff will be on it! As if maybe dh was wanting them. eeewww! I really need to go for now. And thank you for your support...I truley need it right now. I don't know how long I can hold this in until I explode!


Gerry said...

I think you needed to get support from your friends about this because this has got to be so painful and is every mother's nightmare, that the father will be bad for the child. I thought my second husband was so bad that I simply made up my mind we had to get along without his involvement. It was just like he was dead, and I think my kids were much better off without him in their life, even though the finances were very bad sometimes. I think a lot of kids are hurt by a father like this, and at the time, sometimes it can't be helped, and the fallout goes on for years. I think with your honesty you re just giving us a look into something that may go on in a lot of kids lives who get corrupted like this by a parent. So your son may be struggling with these things the rest of his life, but you will have to try to see that the damage is limited in your household just as you are trying to do. The one I have to worry about on my computer is Dante, my grandson. He was in some kind of chat room when I got up in the night, so I have to talk to his father about this before he comes back, as I don't like him doing this. He will say he is only playing games, but I could see by the format he was doing something else, and said so. I don't want him to use my computer to do stuff that his mother and dad don't want him to do, so I am going to ask his dad what he thinks. And on top of that going to these sites can cause a bad virus to invade computers, and that is another thing I am worried about. I am sure others have these concerns when someone in their household does this. Anybody with a computer and fast speed internet is especially susceptible to people wanting to access their computers. Other journalists have had this problem, too, with someone able to access their computer when they were not there.

Merry'sthoughtshopesdreamsandshemes said...

OMG, Lisa.

I worry about you physically, but didn't know you had this problem with your son, too.

I am so sorry. Will be praying for you.

Sugar said...

i'm not getting all your posts! grrr
wanted to let you know i love you & have you & family in my prayers.

Anonymous said...


I haven't been by in a long time and so glad I was here today. TY for still keeping me on your list. Listen, you have done everything you can for Jason and deserve to give yourself a lot of credit even though right now the end result is troubling. Jason can change. I admire you for going to court for your son; my blood boils that the donor was ever granted visitation. I'm happy you seem to have Jesus in your heart to help get you through this challenging lifetime. Blessings to you and Jason. Never give up hope. You rock, Sassy

Jeanne said...

You have so many of your own personal problems that there has to come a time where your son is on his own. He's 26 and needs to be responsible for his own actions. It saddens me that, with all of your health issues, he's not there taking care of YOU more often. My biggest concern is that whatever you found on your computer....if it's illegal....and they take the computer...I think you may be partly responsible too because it's in your house. PLEASE BE CAREFUL and take care of YOU for now!


DB said...

Lissa, I get your postings. I'm so sorry to read about your troubles with Jason. I don't know what to say. My son grew up without me and I don't know what kind of an influence I would have had on him, good or ill. But he seems to have grown up okay. Life is strange and difficult. It requires strength. You've shown you have strength, but don't beat up on yourself.

Anonymous said...

Lisa I think your son needs counseling and possibly psychiatric help because of what happened with his father. Also since you are anorexic and cutting yourself, dont you think you also need this? Are you able to get medical treatment for all your many disorders? If so, you should be able to get counseling and psychiatric care. You need support from professionals, your friends can only worry.

Maria-K. said...

Hi Lisa,
I am glad you keep me ( us ) posted. I can't follow your blog like I do the others... don't know why?
I am sorry to hear about all the problems you are having. Health issues and personal probelms. You have a lot to deal with for one person.
I agree with some of the other readers. Your son is 26 and needs to be responsible for his own actions. You can be there and support him, but he has to do the changes. I know I have asked you this before, are you getting help (treatment) with all your disorders? Are you in psychiatric care or some sort of treatment?
You are so much alone and you have so much time to think and sometimes this can make you just more ill. Don't you have any kind of hobbies to distract you from thinking too much?

CINDY said...

keeping you in prayer girlfriend. ((((hugs))))
Love ya