Monday, February 9, 2009
summing things up, and thank you for all of your support.
~My illnesess~ Degenerative spine, Colitis, Dysplasia, Stomach ulcers, a fatty liver, Palpating heart, 2 heart attacks- Angina Pectoris High cholesterol, Seizure disorder/ Myoclonic seizures, Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporisis, Bursitis in both hips, Spurs on my pine, Tumors on my spine, No reflexes on my limbs, IBS, CFS, RLS, Parasomnia, Hypersomnia, Face disfiguration because of a poorly made denture, Hyperglocemic, TMJ, My whole body is numb, Migraines, Facial pain, Scoleosis lumbar, Urinate and bowel problems and ware depends, and the use of my hands are going away Congestive Heart disease Multiple Sclerosis which is making me lose so many abilities fast. I'm not having a pity party or anything like that. I just want to log what I have and to let everyone know. I still feel that I forgot some of them. lol Oh well. :o) Yes, I am in pain everyday-and every second. There hasn't been any time for so many years that I haven't had any kind of pains. My goal/mission is to do my best to educate people. I hope I do. :o) Thank each and everyone of you for all of your support and such kind words! :o) All of you are helping me when you comment and it gives me a smile when I need one! :o) Lisa I need to add type 2 diabeties. And I guess anorexic and a cutter. I just wanted you to know what I deal with every day for the rest of my life. ggggrrrr! I've never asked God why. I feel there is a reason that He has given me these gifts to try and figure out to help someone in the future. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. Now when you read this, I'm not at all passing it onto anyone else. I guess it turned out this way. Bummer. My son is living on his own and has been for way over a year now with his girldriend in the town north to us. He just comes in to do their laundry maybe twice a week. Other then that, I don't see him for anything else. His girlfriend has his balls in a mason jar in her purse! So, he does what she says. His "sperm donor" (father) was NOT a nice person. Very mean spirited. And was mean to me as well. I was just young and dumb and didn't notice it until I got older with some sense in my head. Well...the 3 of us had to go to court becuase he was denying that he was my sons father. It was proven 99.999 and I don't think it could have come out any more to prove that, yes, he was his father. Geesh! While there in court, he wanted Jason to have his last name. That was granted! gggrrr! Jason didn't take that well. Then he wanted it on paper for Jason to go to his house for visitation. That just made me sick to my stomach. That was awarded too. Jason didn't like that either. Jason had meant him a few times before, (Jason was at the time, in 3 grade) and formed his own opinion, he didn't like him. When I sat him down and explained everything to him, he cried. :o( Actually we cried together because all of the time before the court, I never asked for child support or anything from him because he is NOT a nice person and I didn't want Jason around him. He went over on the weekends for awhile and I would always ask him what he did and basically interigate him. Well one Friday when he was suppose to go for his visit, he did NOT want to. He was very adamit about it. To the point of him crying. God bless him. So I had to give his dd a call to let him know that he was not coming this week and maybe next week. When Jason heard me say that, he screamed at me that he didn't want to go back there, ever. I told him that I'd do what I had to so he didn't have to go anymore. This time I took him back to court, so Jason didn't have to go over there unless he wants to. The judge said well of course, because of his age. I think he was 12. The judge said that Jason probably wouldn't want to go to his house on the weekends because he has friends that he might want to go play ball or something...which that was true. He was reresenting his self and he actually said then he only will pay child support whenever he comes over, and started calculating it! The judge had this great belly laugh at him. He dissmissed everything he tried to get from me. Now.....I kept asking him what happened over there to make him want to stop visiting. He wouldn't tell me. I knew, deep down inside something happened to him. A few days go by, then it turned into weeks. He would go ride his bike with his friends or go fishing. Finally when I asked him again, he started talking. Over at his sperm donors house, there is a shed in their back yard. It's full of pot! I guess he tought him how to grow it and everything else that you do! I just wanted to go over there and beat him up, but I was trying to keep my cool so he would talk to me. Yes, he had Jason smoking it too! Then after they would smoke it, he had a load of porno tapes that he watces and since Jason slept on the couch, he made him watch them with him. One time, Jason told him no, that he didn't want to do that anymore and the donor punched him in his face with his fist, not an open hand, his fist! And if he cried, he got in trouble for that too. I wish I had known all of this! I just grabbed him and gave him a hug. I also told him that everything thing would be alright now that it's all out in the open, and telling me, his mom about it. Donor did a good job at corrupting him with the porn and (other things). This stuff was that hard core crap. I would go to the kids room to change their bedding and in Jason's I would find alot of VHS tapes in his room that belonged downstairs. I grabbed them and put them away. When I sat down for a few, I thought of something, I put one of those cassetes in to see what was really on it. My suspiscions were right! :o( And these were on tapes the Nena would watch as well! I had no idea as to how many did he do! Of course when he got home from school, I asked him about it. Didn't get a sreaight answer. At that moment, I seen my son drifting away from me. There is more things that was going on that he had done. Yes, I had a computer then too. I realize just because I don't like porn, that no one else can too. I've never seen this stuff. I've never heard about these magazines. To me, it was just plain sick and nasty. Like I said, there were a few other things as well that was going on too. :o( I went to parenting classes on my own, tough love classes and a program for kids to see what it would be like in a jouvinle jail. I did everything I could find to help him. And me too for that matter. Ok...what I found and the places I found these things brought back a full rush of the feelings and emotions I had years back. Dh went upstairs and found something which thoriughly pissed him off! And you know something, it's pretty embarressing when you're in a store or something and you see a cop and he asks me how Jason's doing. :o( They all know him because of one of the other things. Which that one is why I want a bolt lock! No trust! I think I've kept you up todate. I think. All I truly know for sure is he needs help still and I'm hoping he didn't do what was on the computer. He's 26. And if the cops have to take this computer....all of that nasty and bad stuff will be on it! As if maybe dh was wanting them. eeewww! I really need to go for now. And thank you for your support...I truley need it right now. I don't know how long I can hold this in until I explode!