Saturday, February 27, 2010

~To be 46

It seems to take me longer to get to this blog and put an entry in. Stay with me here, ok? A few times here lately I've had some words and actions done and said to me that has reminded me of my past as a little girl. Not good. I've been having nightmares and waking up to a room with things all thrown around my room. Theres a painful quality when you grow up and you're not noticed correctly, and then to be 46 and to have a fist full of illnesses and to still not reallybe perceived correctly is very painful. Like reliving some of the bad. Right now, my mom won't talk to me if I have talked to my other sister!!! Seriously?! Everytime I've seen her or have talked to her ( since Thanksgiving ), see will ask me if I've talked to her and if I have she'd be mad at me! We have no idea what is going on as to why she is doing this to us. >sigh< I know that I was pushed back and forth from our house and then to my grandma's house. I NEVER minded that. Thats where I wanted to be. I was taken care of properly. And my sister was pushed from our house to her Aunts house. Thats where she wanted to stay too. I remember not talking much to anyone. When I did want to talk, it was important and needed to be heard. I was just used to not talking because I didn't seem important enough to be heard. One day, my grandma brought me back home. My mom was the only one there. I walked in and sat on the couch. They were discusing the situation. Grandma left. I got all nervouse. The only thing she said/yelled to me was, can't you get up and put your things away?' So I did and I came back out and said to her that, ' Is that all you have to say to me, you couldn't have said welcome back, I love you or have givien me a hug?' She just sat there, so I went to my room and cried. I'm going through all of her shit the samme time that I'm going through all of the shit my stepdad was doing to me as well. My sister and I had each other our whole lives. She came and lived with me when she turned 12, and She didn't move out until she was probably 19 or so. And that was without any money or any help from her parents. Right now...with my health issues; I haven't really talked about it lately. my ms is getting the best of me some days. >ggguuurr< >sigh< Well I guess I've bored you all to tears if you got this far! lol Just my life. This is being me and 46! LOL Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love Truly! Love and laugh uncontrollably!

10 comments:

Barb said...

Hello again. Hope you remember me. You used to read my "HEY LET"S TALK" journal before AOL shut journals down. I don't have that journal but invite you to visit my new one.
So sorry about your situation, honey. Life happens! Sometimes it is a good day, more often not. But it helps to have support, people to talk too. I'm back so email me any time you need to chat. Love you much. Hope today is better than yesterday. Don't forget that it won't always rain.

Nena said...

I am sorry to hear this about Grandma. It's her loss. You (we) are allowed to have contact with your own SISTER (my Aunt, because hell, I talk to her too). That is ridiculous. Again mom, her loss. I love you so much! Hang in there!

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Connie said...

hey there sweet lady..just popped in to say Hi,and I'm thinking of ya..
::::HUGS::::

Connie said...

Happy J-Land Anniversary

Amanda said...

(((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))I know I havent been a very good friend to you lately.I have busy and I am on Face Book more now than on Blooger,but,I am trying to get back into blogging.Just know,I care about you so much.I think you should talk to your Sis,family is omportant.Hoping and praying your Mom will come around.

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Anonymous said...

Hi all. How are you?

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